Friday, October 29, 2004

Perspective Check

I need to sit down and have a long chat with some good old friend, a perspective check. Things are pretty good for me right now. I have a reliable group of friends around me, an education that I'm not paying for. I have a girlfriend that cares about me. Maybe the relative ease or the routine of my life is making me restless, prone to the over analysis -- and amplification -- of simple and meek issues. Situtataions and issues that, a year ago, I might not have given a minute's attention to; situations and issues that I might have even thought exciting and progressive. For years I've thought about the value of counselling, the worth of guidance from a professionally objective ear. Years ago I thought that it could help me and, in turn, those I cared about. I refused to engage in counselling and therapy: I let years of my life waste; I failed my Sister. After 2001, I resolved to seek advice and perspective before I could lose sight of what the real issues were again. I'm starting to feel the dissipation of that resolve. It's four years later, I've nearly turned full circle on the decision. I don't want to lose myself in a fog of dream-come-true. I don't want to be the person who gets what she wants but is so distracted by it that she loses sight of how she got it or forgets what it is that she was looking for. I can't stop growing here, now. I can't get caught up on the little things, or let myself into a mindset of now-or-never.

No comments: